So. On the last weekend of October, I officially became the lone Moran sister. My family and I celebrated the union of my baby sister and her new hubby and it was magical. I was so wrapped up in the beauty and splendor (and stress) of it all, that I didn't let the thought that I was the last Moran sister left even impede my thoughts. I am the second oldest of 4 girls, but the unluckiest in love. I did have folks who asked if I was okay during the process, but it never occurred to me that they were asking if I'm feeling sad or affected that I'm the last single sister. I think, subconsciously, I got ahead of those thoughts and feelings through the use of comic relief....I basically roasted myself. But, in the days to follow, it did begin to occur to me.....I really am the only single one. Now, I come from a line of very impressive women, so I know that I too am a catch. But, it does cause me to wonder "so, what's wrong with me?" I have asked that question aloud many times. The answer always comes back "nothing...it's just not your time". I completely get that, but those words dont take away the lonely. They do not take away those pesky negative thoughts that slide in every now and again. They do not stop the question from coming "so, when are you going to get married". Well, obviously, if I knew that, then I wouldn't be writing this blog. Lol.
In really taking a minute to evaluate where I am in my journey to marriage, I discovered something....I truly have not been in a space where I was ready. I was still in the season of me. I have yet to fully deal with past hurts. I am still working towards full self love and self actualization. I had not been in a posture to actually receive the love that God has in store for me. Once I owned where I am, it became easier to decide how to move forward. I do want to get married and I believe that I am marriage material, but what have I done to prepare myself as a wife?
The first step I decided that I need to take is to write it down....make that list of the things that I want and need in a life partner. I detest the dating game. It is my least favorite thing. But, once I changed my perspective on it, I realized that each person I offer even a moment of my time to has the power to teach me something I do or do not want in a partner. So, that list is now much more specific than it was.
The second step is to pray for what I want. You receive not because you ask not...there is no truer statement. I have been sitting here saying "ok...anytime now God", but I had not actually asked for what I want. What I did find is that when I dropped hints or made mention that I want someone with one or two attributes, He would send me just that....without hardly any of the rest of what I want. Lol. Isn't He funny sometimes??!! So, I have gotten specific about what I want in a partner and I am praying for him to be preparing for me as well.
The third step is to wait. There is a season for everything and this is my waiting season. But, I don't mean just sitting down with my fingers crossed. During this season, I am reading, exploring, growing, healing. I am preparing myself for the amazing love story that is inevitably heading my way. And while I wait, I am building a better relationship with the person who needs my love the most....me.
At one point, I was hoping for someone to come along and complete me. I now realize that's not what I need. I have to allow God to complete me. I have to be a complete person. Marriage is not two incomplete people coming together to make a whole. It is two whole people coming together to become one.
So, just as an fyi, this single pringle truly is okay. For my fellow single pringles, I encourage you all to really evaluate where you are and do the work of preparing. He or she can't find you if you are not fully ready.