So. We made it!! Lordt, we made it over. 2020 was A YEAR!! I said that I was not going to dedicate a blog post to the experience that was 2020, but, I mean, I kinda have to. I don't know about anyone else, but 2020 wore me pure out! I know that ringing in the new year is only truly a technicality, but when my family and I yelled 'Happy New Year' at midnight, I couldn't fight back the emotions. Reality is, if you made it through 2020, with it's pandemic, isolation, social and racial tensions, economic depletion, emotional exhaustion, and continuous rollercoaster of highs and lows, you are truly blessed. I really did expect the world to fully come to an end last year. So, to make it to the new year...whew! Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not convinced that 2021 isn't just 2020 dressed up with a new bob cut for the spring, but man, we made it.
As hard as 2020 was though, I personally gained more in this one crazy year than I had in more of the years prior to it than I could count. When I really sit back and look at the person I was coming into 2020 compared to the person I was leaving it, I'm really not mad at it. You see coming out of 2019, I was at my lowest point. I literally felt like I had nothing to lose and was ready to end it all. I was constantly running from the things I had yet to fully address or let go of. I saw my life as mundane and was angry that I did not yet have a few of the big things that I had planned for my life. I was trying to figure out what my next move needed to be in order to get my groove back. Then BOOM! 2020 sat me and everybody in the world down! I mean sis literally said 'Here, I brought all of y'all a seat...now, have one'! LOL!! I can laugh now, but I cried through most of it.
That seat that I was forced to take saved my life! I was forced to sit in my shit! I was forced to face it all! I was forced to be still and feel every single emotion that a human was ever meant to feel! I was forced to examine myself, my thoughts, my world. I had no choice but to either grow or perish. I chose to grow! And man, did I grow. I grew guts, I grew knowledge, I grew relationships, I grew sunflowers, I grew my dreams, I grew my purpose, and I grew into a full grown woman, after finding the space to acknowledge that I had been stuck in the headspace of a little girl afraid of the world for the majority of my life. I grew! And my heart bursts when I take a look at how much life I was missing because I was so busy running!
2020 stole a lot from all of us. It stole lives, it stole plans, it stole normalcy, it stole a ton of the comfort that we had each built in our regular lives. But, it also gave us a lot, as well. As I reflected going into the new year, I realized that almost everything on my 2020 vision board had been accomplished in some way, shape, or form. I realized that the list of goals that I journaled back in October 2019 had almost fully been realized. And those things that weren't accomplished were well underway to be brought into fruition in 2021. But, more than anything, I realized that I have started actually looking at myself in the mirror and liking her. I realized that I have become the mother who sees her children like I desired to be seen. I realized that I stand tall instead of shrinking myself. I realized that I have stopped being afraid to go after the next dream or point of passion. I realized that I did in fact find Angela during 2020. And for that, I'm not mad at all.
The saying goes that 'Hindsight is 2020'. It seems very cliché, but my gosh is it true for me. I send my deepest light and love to those souls lost in 2020 under any circumstances. I send light and love to those left behind to mourn those souls. I send light and love to those who have grown and to those who are still trying to just find their way.
2020, girl, you showed your tail. But, you are, in hindsight, not the worst year ever. Just don't come back! LOL!!
Light and Love...